I am starting a petition to force cream puff makers to EITHER make their product BITE-size OR to make a thicker pastry lining.

It's time to be conscientious and responsible, people. for the love.

ahem

So Cade's 9 year old friend, Las just gave him an ipod. (i guess he had an extra?) Anywho, what i don't get MORE than the fact that he just handed him an ipod is the music that is on his playlist. I'm not joking. It is SERIOUSLY disturbing to me that ANYONE let alone a 9 year old is listening to this crap- oh wait this is his OLD one. So who knows how long he has been listening to it. (of course this is mostly assumptions and speculating on my part after browsing through the titles of the artists/albums/songs- i'm not brave enough to actually listen to it)
And i know, i know, i'm so naive and blah blah blah. I do love me some good Korn, Godsmack, and Marilyn Manson but ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME!?
It makes me really really concerned (make that ANXIOUS) about the youth and future of our country that THIS is the total shit that is inundating their developing minds and world views starting in elementary school. Aye. And don't tell me that it doesn't affect them. Read some studies and then we'll talk.

End of my rant.
(for now of course)

a sweet remembrance

This is what filled my mind's eye as i read to him last week. Those years and years of reading from God's word in a little circle by the fire at church Sunday mornings. I was actually wishing i knew where they had left off...

The past couple days i've had the privilege of sitting by my grandpa's side as he prepared for heaven. On Tuesday my family and i sang some of his favorite hymns to him, and though he was mostly unresponsive, we were told that hearing is the last sense to go, so i'm sure that it blessed him. I know it did us.
That night i got some time alone with him while my aunt and parents went for dinner. I held his warm strong hand and read to him Psalms, of God's great love for us and of our inheritance in Christ, and from Revelation, marveling at the things which he was to soon see and experience first hand.
Grandpa was not able to communicate much with us that day. He would attempt a murmering response at times, and seemed to acknowledge what was being said in his ear. But it wasn't until i gave him a hug and kiss goodbye and told him i loved him, that he slowly opened his eyes to look into mine and say "i love you too". How incredibly blessed i feel, and understand it to be a gift straight from God, that those were the last words i heard him say.
Yesterday, i spent more time with Grandpa, but he was further from us. The only response i witnessed was wiggling of his toes as times- when asked a question or while we were singing. And finally, even that was gone. (I wondered if he was getting sick of hearing us sing, i worked my way through 2/3s of a hymnal, but figured he could let me know someday if that was the case)
Watching him struggle to take each and every breath, i prayed for peace, comfort and even a spirit of anticipation for him. That Jesus would come and take his hand to lead him straight to paradise, and grandma (I sure don't know if that's how it works, but i have suspicions, and it doesn't hurt to ask). And i prayed for strength and hope for his adoring children and grandchildren surrounding him.
Last night, in the final minutes of what was my grandmother's birthday, he left us to be with her and his Lord. I am so thankful for the peace, the answered prayers and the legacy of strength, faith and love that grandpa has left behind.
He will be missed terribly but we know we will see him soon.

FINALLY... a viable option

Happy No School On Halloween!

My kids let me sleep in this morning AND made me breakfast. (hmmm maybe they want something?) Also, in case you can't tell, it consisted of pancakes with raspberry syrup, chocolate syrup, whipped cream. strawberries, and powdered sugar. Might as well be consistent with the sugar high theme of the day i guess.

ps

I just uploaded a bunch of pics from my japanese garden field trip last week on my PTC blog cause i wanted a distraction.
And pretty fall stuff makes me happy.
So you should take a look if you get a chance.

I guess it's that time of year again.

My grandfather had a stroke today and does not wish to have brain surgery to stop the hemorrhaging in his brain.
So basically, unless it stops bleeding on its own, it seems real likely that he will be reunited with grandma within the next few weeks.
Good for him. Bad for us, i guess.

(Strangely enough, my friend Bridget used to be Blasi just called me from my Dad's phone. She is working on my Grandpa's floor and recognized my parents from youth group days, and it's just nice to know someone amazing like her is taking care of my family.)

Indian Ford Meadow

dear preschool,

Two and a half hours is NOT enough time to do ANYTHING.

Last October

Top Spur

Mt Thielson Wildflowers

Portland Classical Chinese Garden

just because

i like to look at a picture when i open this thing up.

this blog is sponsered by progressive auto insurance

I JUST SAVED $388.60 ON MY AUTO INSURANCE BY SWITCHING FROM GEICO TO PROGRESSIVE!!!

(no lie- for a 6th month policy. that is a savings of $777.20 a year. oh, AND i also now have four times the coverage. SUCKAS!)

OMG- espresso pillows.

Yeah, so i don't know how i became so delusional to think i would have "extra time" when school started. (though maybe it is the auction too...i'll need to check back in after that)
So...i would like to blog more. And put more photos up. And etc.. and etc...
But at least i am making sure i do not take out the things that are life giving.
And for the record, ella is so freaking hilarious i can hardly stand it sometimes.
aka- she started a story about preschool the other night at the table by saying "APPARENTLY i was washing the babies..." and no people, they were not real babies.
(so apparently... she parrots back just about everything i say so it should get REAL interesting- i especially enjoy the exasperated sighs she frequently voices when asked to do something)

So i am overwhelmed, sore from yoga, hoping for a jammed finger (SONJA!- ps i am needing my pinky more than i had originally predicted- oh crap! guitar should be fun), exhausted, fed up with drama, thankful for new/old friends, not sure i can pull off this new haircut (i know you believe in me, Colleen - ps ella is talking to you on her phone right now and just asked if you were still sick), hoping i do not have to sit in time out at book club tomorrow, excited for art lit, enjoying my study, looking for a well deserving dog to feed my cat to, thankful for chicken noodle soup (you rock Ginny!), fed up with The Man and injustice and inconsiderate jerks and ridiculousness and Verizon in general(special place in hell you know), wondering why we are STILL watering the swamplands in my backyard, and WAYYYYY behind on laundry (would it be too much to ask that we all take a day off of the peeing the bed? pretty please. just until i get caught up at least?).

But we live today, right?

So again, here's to espresso pillows (i think i may develop a habit)

I'm gonna say they take after their father

Finally the first day of school is upon us! Though i do have to say, as i get older (i said oldER not old) the summers go by more and more quickly, and really, i DO enjoy my kids and we had a fun summer (which i hope to share more of as i have time to go back and upload pics). Here are my beautiful crazy pants kids (i really did not have the patience for this so oh well)









Sierra- 5th grade (last year of elementary school!)





Cado- 3rd grade



Blythie- 1st Grade




and...start Dora induced coma (also funny, for now at least,is how after a summer of no tv Ella has no idea what commercials are and screams out in alarm EACH and EVERY commercial break)Ella starts pre-school next Tuesday and she'll tell anyone who will listen!

yeah. STILL not appreciating this.

In other news, i have been having a pretty fabulous week.
Spent the first part of the week in Olympia,visiting the amazing andrea- a friend since birth that i haven't spent time with in FOREVER. She grew up in a family of 6 so i think that even though she is just pregnant with their first, we may not have COMPLETELY overwhelmed her (ps their house shall from this point on be affectionately referred to as CAMP ANDREA- her training for us also includes her years as a special ed preschool teacher)
THEN- we drove home last night and justin and i went to The Phantom of the Opera, which was magical. No joke people. Oh how i love...well everything about the theater, opera, preforming arts, etc... Also, i think it was maybe a decade or so since i last saw it (and i'm pretty sure the movie from a few years back was moderately different) And the special thing about my disfunctional memory is that it's ALWAYS a surprise- like seeing it for the first time again and again. (i seriously could not remember how it ended- yet i could sing you all the songs- at least watermelon them. so so odd)
Anyway, i'm tired and need to get a billion things done today and tomorrow morn before we leave for Indian Ford and we get back and it's time for school. My mom so thoughtfully helped my schedule by allowing the dr's to remove ALL of the skin cancer they found on her head in one swoop this morning before i could get down to represent (she's like that you know). If you wanna say a little prayer for her over that little matter i'm sure she would love it (and us too of course).
Lastly, it has recently come to my attention that my butt is getting bigger. I'm still trying to decide what to do with that little (or not so little ha ha) piece of information. (could it be that i'm in my thirties? yikes, this is mildly disturbing)

i have soo many pics to post...

...and so little time (so i just went with this for now- school's starting soon you know and then i MIGHT have time for things like updating my blog and showering)

i heart PTC

a coveted look behind the scenes of the last outing

in the unlikely event of a water landing

um...i hope that i am not shish-kabobbed tomorrow
(i'm just thinking climbing the "lightening rod of the cascades" with a chance of T-storms might not be our best idea ever)

a thought about love, or maybe life

"The only thing that matters is that the adjustment of abandonment to selfless love be made perfectly, so that I stop seeking to be loved and abandon myself to the joy of giving love to others." Hannah Hurnard

(still working this one through)

And for the record

This I am really really happy about...

This...not so much.

(ok so i know i am a cry baby whiner, but REALLY? It was all looking so so nice like YESTERDAY!)(sigh)

Happy Anniversary Lindsay!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a dear friend
And her name is Lindsay.

XOXOXOXOXO

Also, the crazy pants pictured below announced while getting down from the dinner table tonight that "i going downtown" and proceeded to pull her dora jammie pants down to her knees (revealing that she had forgotten another vital article of clothing) and strut down the hall with her hands on her hips.

(yeah, i can't even BEGIN to attempt to understand where stuff like that comes from- but i'll tell you, that i am thankful for the tears that come to my eyes through the uncontrolled laughter)

Does anyone NOT think of Karate Kid while they are washing their car?

mele kalikimaka

Overheard

"Mrs. Wolverton, you are an enchilada maker extraordinaire!"

-from the president of Oregon Truss at dinner tonight

Cade: Mom if you have another boy i wanna name him Extreme.

Me: Extreme Wolverton?

Cade: Extreme MICHAEL Wolverton. So can we?

Me: Why not.

if your life's going down the drain-o
there's really no need to complain-o
or to even try and explain-o
just follow the new terrain-o
until you come to a place much more buen-o

(this is the kind of frightening crap that is going on in my brain when i am trying desperately to sleep. helpful, don't you think?)

ELLA WENT ALL DAY WITHOUT AN ACCIDENT YESTERDAY!!!

In other news, if i haven't mentioned before we are having a no-tv (except weekends) summer, AKA i have no time to do anything but entertain, serve, feed, educate, and enjoy my kids 24-7. Thus why my blog has gone to pot.

to my health!

So now i am drinking beer and not exercising(it is hard to in summer- aka school's out) and i was thinking that sounded like a pretty winner combination.

ahem

I would like to announce to the world that yesterday i ordered my first beer EVER (i was told that raspberry thing at the Rheinlander that one time did NOT count) AND i did not even make beer face when i was drinking it AND i even ordered a second glass. (PLUS i don't think the guys at the table would've even guessed i was not a beer drinking fiend and brenda was a good friend and didn't tell:))(Wait, i did order a glass and not a pint, that may have been moderately suspicious)(dang it!)

sigh

Oh man am i ever enjoying a catcher in the rye! I'm almost done and i really don't wanna be cause i laugh out loud every page just about.
And i sure am gonna miss ol' Holden when this is done. He kills me. He really does.

So today was kinda a bummer.

First, i didn't get to go to guitar lessons OR pilates.
Second, the equator has apparently shifted southwards unbeknownst to those of us who signed our children up for spring baseball and softball.
and Third, Blythe puked in the starbucks parking lot right as i was about to pick up a warm caffeinated drink to get me through the next few hours of spectating.

On a positive note, Sierra ROCKED her last game. She had some AMAZING catches, a huge infield grounder, two hits to the outfield, and even a single handed double play. I would guess she was responsible for AT LEAST a third of the teams outs, and i promise i am not just being a parent. For reals. I'm sorry you missed it. Also, if i may brag just a little, this is her first year playing and she was even a little nervous to start this season, worried that she wouldn't be good enough.

On a not so positive note, i really really hope i don't catch this bug, cause it just so happens it would be a royal pain in the ass to deal with puking WHILE watching a 10 month old chocolate lab puppy for the weekend, helping at field day, going to NCO, attending Sierra's softball team party, watching Cade's baseball game, driving Cade to a birthday party (picking up a birthday present), playing a softball game, going to TKB?, picking up supplies and refreshments for Paul's CD release party, and doing lyrics for ethnos and the party. So God, with that in mind, can we pretty please just skip that this time maybe?

ALSO: We have a new friend who keeps visiting our front door, as the other members of my household can not seem to remember to bring the cat food inside the house. And i was thinking, as the little fella has become the most regular visitor of our home that he or she should at least be given a name. Maybe Rocky, or Ricky or something. I was kinda leaning toward Rita to tell you the truth. (ps how do you know if a raccoon is a boy or a girl?) Anyway, i am open to suggestions.

help please

Today i could use prayers and patience (and/or prayers for patience) because:

1. Ella is wearing panties

2. It is monday

3. I, like Garrett, and Allison, can not seem to sleep through the night

4. Justin is still devastated from my 400+ point victory at Rummy last night

and

5. Ella is wearing panties

No. Thank YOU!

I have recently been given a shout out on an album.
(Pretty sure i can die now. My life has been made complete.)

Or maybe i should make one first, so you can all experience the same elation.
Hmmm...
i'll give it some thought.

"The whole outlook of mankind might be changed...

...if we could all believe that we dwell under a friendly sky and that the God of heaven, though exalted in power and majesty, is eager to be friends with us."

"Ironically" today in my daily chapter in A.W. Tozer's The Knowledge of the Holy i came to some more thoughts on the prodigal. (I know, I know, this must be getting old to some, but it is MY blog and all, and I had to laugh to myself at God's persistence in teaching my old stubborn will and all, so here it is.)

By our own attitudes we may determine our reception by Him. Though the kindness of God is an infinite, overflowing fountain of cordiality, God will not force his attention upon us. If we would be welcomed as the Prodigal was, we must come as the Prodigal came; and when we so come, even though the Pharisees and the legalists sulk without, there will be a feast of welcome within, and music and dancing as the Father takes His child again to His heart.

(A.W.Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy, chap 16 The Goodness of God, p84)

PS

I was feeling like maybe i was a little unclear in my last post, mostly because of some of the responses i have received.
I believe that the homecoming of the prodigal happens when one turns from that which took him away from the Father in the first place, at the point of confession and repentance, and not when he reaches the point of full healing.

With that in mind, i feel like i "came home" a year ago, but i have been standing on the front steps, unwilling to cast aside my own(and others) condemnation and judgment and enjoy the endless mercies of my Father's home. I have been waiting for my servant's assignment, too shamed to waste God's grace on one such as me.

Sadly, it really is just a sign of ugly pride, that i would have the audacity to tell God "Sorry, but your grace really isn't sufficient for ME. What I did just is going to take more." And continue to refuse his mercies.

Thinking back on some of the interactions of the last year,and there were many of you that loved me SO well, there is one imparticular I wanted to share that i now believe showed the Father's heart so beautifully.
After confessing my sin to a dear friend last year, i was floored by her response. She warmly and with a great amount of feeling embraced me and told me over and over how proud she was of me. Ridiculous, I know. And i sure told her so.
But as one who had also been forgiven much, she knew the amount of courage and strength my path would now take to walk. And how very much love, support, and encouragement i would need. (and i can't even begin to tell you how right she was)
And so putting aside what i deserved, she showed me instead a incomprehensible amount of grace and love.

Don't get me wrong. Repentance and restoration are processes. And should not be rushed. But God's grace is freely available to all, at the MOMENT we come to him, broken and needy.
That's all.

Coming Home

I just finished re-reading the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) for the first time.

Yeah, so obviously, i, probably not unlike you, have heard/read it gazillions of times before. But in the past, i had always read it from the perspective of the older brother, taking from it warnings of pride and judgement. And had truthfully felt a little jealousy toward the pathetic wayward little bro and the injustice of the whole situation ("I mean come on God, isn't this grace thing a little over the top?")
Today, i have experienced this ridiculous grace for the first time. I have been standing on the edge of my Father's property, waiting to be all cleaned up and
presentable, knowing that he deserves AT LEAST that. (I did go, ask for the world, ditch him and then squander all he had given me and all)

So i came to the prodigal's words in verse 17

"But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer to be worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants."'

Did you notice what sent him back? Hunger. That's it. He wasn't healed. Or all neat and put back together. Or ready with a really tear jerking inspirational testimony of grace and restoration. He was empty, and needy, and broken, and wanted desperately to be under the care and graces of his father again. And was more than ready to humble himself and become a servant; work off his penance, we'll say, in order to just live in his shadow.

So here comes the part i know you know, but let me ask you read it again with the fresh eyes of the starving, filthy, shamed son:

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and RAN and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants,'Bring quickly the best robe, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to CELEBRATE."

Our Father is scanning the horizon, dying for us to decide to come back home, so he can sprint to us and hold us while we collapse from grief, fatigue and bitter loneliness and weep openly in his arms. And then do you see what he wants to do? Bring us into his home, clothe us with his very best, proudly mark us as his own and throw a party like these here parts have never seen (i mean seriously, they could hear the thing out in the fields for pete's sake). And all in our honor (talk about humbling).
Again, note what the son had to do: 1. Realize his stupidity 2.Confess his sin and 3. Come home. Period. And his Father's love and grace did the rest.
And oh how much that is. We (i) do not have to come work off our sin to get back into his good graces, to be worthy of living in his household. Or clean out our hearts and minds of every impurity. Or make right all of the wrongs we have done.
First of all, because we can't. And what ignorant pride to believe that we can have any part in our redemption to begin with.
God is simply waiting for us to return, and surrender ourselves to a love beyond comprehension. And i, for one, am tired of trying to convince him otherwise.

So, here's a side note to the faithful: I pray that God really writes this story on my heart. Because as overwhelmingly humbled and overtaken as i am by his undeserved love for me, there is the part of the story that threatens this joy in my homecoming.
Oh big brother, that you would plead for your father's heart on this one; and then trust his sovereign judgment. That you would accept the prodigal's return and the Father's unmerited grace towards him. Jump at the chance to fully embrace him on his homecoming, and then run to help with the party preparations.
Please don't even think of refusing the invite; to sulk and miss out on true fellowship and a beautiful display of redemption and restoration. Yes, it is undeserved mercy. Unmerited favor. Praise God that his grace covers us all(and by the way- we really REALLY want you there too).

Nonetheless, i am here. Hungry and tired, naked and beat up and poor. But home.
I have nothing to offer or contribute but that which my Father has mercifully given me. Use it or not as he may, it is his to do with what he pleases.

And for now i will be content with resting in his graces, gaining my strength by living each day in the shadow of his mercy.

"Hungry I come to you for i know you satisfy. I am empty, but i know your love does NOT run dry."

But seek FIRST the kingdom of God and his righteousnes, and ALL THESE THINGS will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Read The Shack

"God does not heal us so he can use us, cause God does not USE people. He heals us because he loves us."

-William Paul Young (speaking to ME Tuesday morning. ok and maybe a few others)

ps I received this book Sunday, read it Monday, heard the author speak Tues morn and would be rereading it soon but it needs to be read by others (and i'm BEHIND on my book club selection anyway and will NOT be a slacker two months in a row!)

So today i painted impressionistic waterlilies and preformed Italian Arias for the first time in over a decade (to twenty kindergarteners).
And it was kinda fun.

P.S.

WHY IS IT STILL SNOWING?!!!!

another day in the life...

Blythe: Who's this singing?

Me: Hillary Duff

Blythe: Ooh. Do you want me to turn it off?

Me: Why? I thought you liked her?

Blythe: Well it's just that i heard you the other day in the car. You know, about her and Obama.

Me: Ohh. That was Hillary CLINTON.

Blythe: Ohh. It's just that i don't know all that many Hillarys.

sigh

I wanna go horse back riding.

(aka- you know you seem down when your grocery cashier asks if you need a hug)

FOR THE LOVE

I swear that if this damn weather ruins my jasmine and clematis that are just about ready to bloom, someone is going to pay.

oxygen

So i have found myself unbelievably busy lately, a lot due to kids sports and etc like usual, (who knew baseball and softball would each be a 5-6 hour commitment a week?! not to mention IN SLEET HAIL AND SNOW. i thought that was just the postal service...anyway...),but also it has been because of some really really good things i have filled my days with. And while generally i think rushed chaos is not the best way to live (and my house is a PIT), for right now, it is allowing me to breathe. And often, even enjoy the process.

New, little (or not so little) things i am doing that bring joy & life:

-Book Club (except this month trying to plow through Faulkner)
-Basketball (i'm counting this as new cause now Brenda is joining too, and besides the constant beating she gives me, it makes it super DUPER fun)
-Bible Study (When Godly People Do Ungodly Things- with the girls)
-Art Literacy (I teach kindies, and second and fourth graders- this month is Paul Klee, next is MONET!)
-Knitting ( 11 scarves, 4 hats, 7 baby hats, and i'm working on a baby bonnet and a hat for ella right now- oh and i taught 5 peeps how to knit last Sat)
-Financial Peace University (getting out of debt WHILE knitting!)
-Propresenter ( serving ethnos on lyrics)
-TURBO Kickboxing
-Pilates
-Yoga (etc... I FINALLY got added to our gym membership!!!)
-Phiner Things Club (if you're not already in the know, you are not exclusive enough to join)
-Guitar Lessons (hallelujah amen and my fingers hurt)

CANNELET!

So we (five children and i) just went and "helped" at the new NCO pearl location and it is SO cute and small and carpeted and warm (yay) and I am really excited to be down there on a regular basis. It's closer to me than the old location was AND especially (um, not sure if this is a REALLY good thing or a REALLY bad thing) since i realized it is just blocks away from St. Honore, my favorite boulangerie this side of sweet Paris (please read with an accent). Though...i will have to say, i may save my next visit for when i am accompanied ONLY by a latte, a pain au chocolate and a book. C'est tres difficult a saveur la vie avec tout la chaos.

Hey! We should sell tickets...

Just another dinnertime at the Wolverton's-

Sierra: " I think you guys have said "fridge" too much to Ella. Today, she fell down at the playground and she said "FRIDGE"."

Me(skeptically): "Oh really?"

All eyes turn to Ella

Ella(mischievously): "juice box!"

and then...

i ABHOR easter grass

And while i am SO DONE with this over the top ridiculous weather- it helps a little to know that san diego right now is only 13 degrees warmer.

(ps i think i may have lost a few toes to frost bite last night and i know i know my fault for wearing open toed shoes WHILE it is snowing but it is almost APRIL and how often do my toes look so cute and sometimes you just have to sacrifice and this time that meant toe mobility for life and i did look good so there you go)

(yes, still reading Faulkner)

Crowder and me

Lord i'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord i'm so alone
I know the dark is creeping in
Is creeping up to swallow me
I think i'll stay and rest awile

This is all that i can say right now
This is all that i can give

Did you see me crying?
Did you hear me call your name?
Wasn't it you i gave my heart to?
I wish you'd remember where you set it down.

This is all that i can say right now.
This is all that i can give

Didn't notice you standing here
I didn't know that that was you holding me
I didn't notice you were crying too
I didn't know that that was you washing my feet

And this is all
This is all that i can say right now (i know it's not much)
This is all that i can give...


And that's my everything

ella blue

now

THE DISCIPLINE OF SPIRITUAL TENACITY

"Be still. and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10).

Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire. Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered. The greatest fear a man has is not that he will be damned, but that Jesus Christ will be worsted, that the things He stood for -love and justice and forgiveness and kindness among men - will not win out in the end; the things He stands for look like will-o'-the-wisps. Then comes the call to spiritual tenacity, not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately on the certainty that God is not going to be worsted.
If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God. "Because thou has kept the word of my patience."
Remain spiritually tenacious.

-Oswald Chambers (and thanks to mark for this too)

The thing is, i have certainly failed at all this. And am so grieved at not only bringing sorrow to my God, but also for being a tool of his adversary. I have inadvertently spread unbelief with my choices and actions, have hurt his bride (which i always have truly loved) and have discredited the gospel, to which i owe my life.
Everything is still rather fuzzy, but is becoming clearer with each passing day. And you know, it is all so very REAL. And big. And pretty damn scary at times. It's so hard, you know? When you just wish everyone could see what you see. But you can't make them. But you really really want to.
So here's the thing friends. I decided to give God one last go of it this past month, and boy did he come through for me. BUT it was not until i humbled myself, and prayed, and seeked(i know, not a word) his face and turned... you know the drill. And i had such an amazing experience with fasting that it should probably be a post all its own. I cannot believe we go without doing it on a regular basis. God desires SO MUCH MORE for us than we can usually see, i believe. But our dumb stubborn wills (most likely coupled with quite an assault from our adversary) will not allow him to come. And be Lord. And save us from ourselves. (for the love)
Anyway, i am thankful. And grateful, And learning. And learning. And learning. And God IS faithful. I do know AT LEAST that. More to come...

Faith Hope and Love upon you.

Everpresent God,
We wait for you to show yourself;
To lift the cloak of sin and death that weighs heavy on our backs
And hangs a veil of pain and doubt upon our hearts.

All-knowing God,
Reach into our days and mark a clear path for our weary feet to follow.
Apply a healing salve of hope to our brokenness,
And supply us with wisdom and courage to continue on.

O Holy God,
Allow us a sheltered glimpse of your greatness and beauty,
That we may fall face down in awe and wonder;
And then to always, with reverent fear, live our lives in the shadow of the majesty of your worth.

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. -Galileo Galilei

Be not silent, O God of my praise! For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. In return for my love they accuse me, but i give myself to prayer. So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

But you, O God my Lord, deal on my behalf for your name's sake: because your steadfast love is good, deliver me! For i am poor and needy, and my heart is stricken within me. I am gone like a shadow at evening; i am shaken off like a locust. My knees are weak through fasting; my body has become gaunt with no fat. I am an object of scorn to my accusers: when they see me, they wag their heads.

HELP ME, O LORD MY GOD! SAVE ME ACCORDING TO YOUR STEADFAST LOVE! Let them know that this is your hand; you, O LORD, have done it! Let them curse, but you will bless! They arise and are put to shame, but your servant will be glad! May my accusers be clothed with dishonor, may they be wrapped in their own shame as in a cloak! With my mouth I will give great thanks to the LORD; I will praise him in the midst of the throng. For he stands at the right hand of the needy, to save him from those who condemn his soul to death.

Psalm 109

Psalm 103:8-12

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

HOPEFAST 2008

a faint glimmer of hope burns brightly in my chest
despite the voices yelling profanities, insults,
willing for it to die.

but i will NOT have it.

i will tend to you my little spark,
and love you and nourish you
until the flame itself devours me
and i am made of nothing else.

Takes One to Know One

Blythe: Mom, why are you still wearing your pjammies?
Me: These are sweatpants. You can wear those during the day. Ashby wears them like everyday.
Blythe: That's cause Ashby's crazy.
(pause)
Blythe: And when i say crazy, i mean EVERYDAY.

My Theory

I just raised my IQ test results by 25 points by making a few minor changes to my test taking environment.

-I reduced the number of children running through the test room from 4 to 1.
-I reduced the number of arguing and/or yelling children to 0.
-The test room was approximately 10-20 degrees cooler.
-I lowered the volume on Drake and Josh by a significant amount of decibels.
-I was a year older than the previous test time.

Therefore, let the record show that it has been scientifically proven that
1. Drake and Josh, at low volume levels, has no negative effect on intelligence, and conversely may even significantly increase it on occasion
AND
2. It IS older AND wiser.

(all the above, while only a test, is absolutely 100% true-well at least everything but MAYBE my findings)

Warning! Do not attempt to view on a full stomach.

So we saw Sweeney Todd last night, and i believe i just may be sick to my stomach for a week or so...
But i DO love Johnny Depp.

oh toto...

Today justin and i got the unique opportunity of attending a southern baptist church service. His company had done some work on their new building so we went to represent in the inaugural service.
Um...so i'm not even sure how to explain my experience. To tell you the truth, my head is still spinning. But i'll give it a try.
It was unreal. Seriously i thought to myself, "We canNOT be seriously within a half hour from downtown Portland right now" and "How did all these people find each other?" and "Wow. Are they serious?"and "huh. Soul winning on Wednesday nights. I wonder if i'd be any good at that?" and " I'd bet my lucky charms that there is not one non-republican in the room" and "it's so good to know there's a balm in gilead" and "i haven't sung this song in at least a decade or two" and "they have got this thing down to a science" which was really rather awe inspiring. No joke. A half a second MAYBE lapsed between service elements.
I was wearing an outfit that i have recently worn to a wedding, yet i was still moderately underdressed. And justin totally forgot his suit and tie (oh those construction guys, jesus love em). Also, being that i do not own hot rollers, i'm not sure i could've fit in even if i had been wearing nylons and a floral print dress.
Anyway, it was really sorta fun, the people were sure nice ( i shook a LOTTA hands) , and it was a VERY INTERESTING (and budget minded) cross-cultural experience. I fully recommend it. Seriously.

oh, and we got a free mug so win/win

8 is great!

Brainwashing the children. Look at their adorable little zombie-like faces.


Cade and his "third best friend" Nina (which by the way is SO cute i can barely keep myself composed)

CEBU!

I was thinking that someday i think i might like to work and actually get paid american currency for it. Actually, any currency really. Besides scrapbooking (and believe you me- not even about to open up that can o worms. Suffice to say DOES NOT COUNT) i have not been paid for anything in over a decade. I've definitely been doing lots and lots of stuff. Just haven't been paid for any of it. Which is fine. Really. I'm just thinking it might be kinda neat TO get paid for something. That's all.
Thing is, i don't even begin to know what that might be. I'm just sayin.
(oh and that wonderful thing above is my piece from art lit this morning- inspiring no?)

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

My Grandpa turns 90 today. We had a bash for him yesterday which was fun but also hard. Grandpa was glad to have us all there but the loss of my grandma was hanging over him i think. She is sorely missed. Anyway...here's a few great grandkid party attendees. It's always fun to hang with the cuz's.


And here is grandpa putting his money into the lighthouse. On your birthday at their church you got to put as many pennies as you were old while they sang a special alsea baptist happy birthday song. oh, and it is supposed to light up. so it was a little anti-climactic to have ALL that money and singing without the light. oh well.