I was feeling like maybe i was a little unclear in my last post, mostly because of some of the responses i have received.
I believe that the homecoming of the prodigal happens when one turns from that which took him away from the Father in the first place, at the point of confession and repentance, and not when he reaches the point of full healing.
With that in mind, i feel like i "came home" a year ago, but i have been standing on the front steps, unwilling to cast aside my own(and others) condemnation and judgment and enjoy the endless mercies of my Father's home. I have been waiting for my servant's assignment, too shamed to waste God's grace on one such as me.
Sadly, it really is just a sign of ugly pride, that i would have the audacity to tell God "Sorry, but your grace really isn't sufficient for ME. What I did just is going to take more." And continue to refuse his mercies.
Thinking back on some of the interactions of the last year,and there were many of you that loved me SO well, there is one imparticular I wanted to share that i now believe showed the Father's heart so beautifully.
After confessing my sin to a dear friend last year, i was floored by her response. She warmly and with a great amount of feeling embraced me and told me over and over how proud she was of me. Ridiculous, I know. And i sure told her so.
But as one who had also been forgiven much, she knew the amount of courage and strength my path would now take to walk. And how very much love, support, and encouragement i would need. (and i can't even begin to tell you how right she was)
And so putting aside what i deserved, she showed me instead a incomprehensible amount of grace and love.
Don't get me wrong. Repentance and restoration are processes. And should not be rushed. But God's grace is freely available to all, at the MOMENT we come to him, broken and needy.
That's all.
5 comments:
So elequent with your words yet you get right to the point. you would and are a great teacher my girlie!!
thank you, cousin. I think that's something I needed to hear. I really am proud of you and happy to see what God has been doing in your life.
My dear friend, I am still so very proud of you! God's grace is so inexplicable and vast yet so close and warm. I am truly blessed and honored to have you as a friend. My tears are tears of joy when a journey shared is rewarded with the view of a lifetime...you are His beautiful daughter, clothed again in his extravagance. I love you!
Rachel - I have read you last post and this follow-up one and have not commented. But after reruning to your blog and re-reading them I do want to tell you that I love your strength in your weakness. This space that you are in with your Father is a beutiful space of freedom.
You wrote in your last post, "I have nothing to offer or contribute but that which my Father has mercifully given me. Use it or not as he may, it is his to do with what he pleases."
That ministered the most to me. To me, that is strength! that is beauty! That is freedom! I only wish Brenda and I had lived closer so we could have had the priveledge of loving you and witnessing God's redemptive work in your life first hand. But I do enjoy having this window to interact with you.
Thank you for posting your thoughts with such vulnerability and honesty! It was very refreshing and encouraging to read! I was blessed by your story!
Who ARE you? You are too young to exhibit such wisdom. I admire you so much Rachee.
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