seems to be the general consensus around here. ACTUALLY

Ella: Mom, LOOK!

Me: Oh yeah. It looks like a bruise.(said VERY sympathetically)

Ella: Yeah. I need a bandaid.

Me: Nope.

Ella: Yes, i do.

Me: Nope. Bandaids are for if there is blood or the skin is open.

Ella: I NEED a bandaid.

Me: You are welcome to ask Aunt Becca for a second opinion.

Ella: Huh?

Me: You are welcome to ask Aunt Becca for a second opinion.

Ella: Huh?

Me: A SE-COND O-PIN-ION (enunciating VERY carefully)

Ella: AUNT BECCA!!

Aunt Becca: Yes?

Ella: I need a pinion. But NOT my Mom's.

Ella: I need a bandaid.

If you think of me...

I'm going to attempt singing while playing for the first time, in front of how ever many hundreds of people show up for the memorial, tomorrow afternoon. (nothing like jumping in with both feet's what i always say. Hey, i never claimed to be extremely bright)

Anywho. I could use whatever prayers/nice thoughts etc... you have free to send me.

Thanks-

(When the Tears Fall by Tim Hughes if you are curious. I didn't feel like i needed to sing at any of the other services, but this time i feel like i would like to do something to encourage and comfort my family- see the words below)

I’ve had questions without answers
I’ve known sorrow, I have known pain
But there’s one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus, You’re true

When hope is lost, I’ll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I’ll call you Healer
When silence falls,
You’ll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender forever more

I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
I will praise You, Jesus, praise You
Through the suffering, still I will sing

When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord, are you there?
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend

Still I will praise You, Jesus, praise You

so it's GENETIC

So my mom was involved in a lock down at her chiropractor for over five hours the other day due to a hostage situation in a room at an adjacent hotel. They could see the police activity from the front window and thus were able to track the breaking news events of the day.

I'm not sure exactly what went down, or how the situation was resolved (those of you with time to keep up with local news, who am i joking?- ANY news at all, may know more than i do here) but i DO know what maybe some of you without the inside scoop may not. The kidnappers' demands included donuts and pizza. No joke.

First of all, those items are MOST DEFINITELY making my top ten demands in case i ever decide to go into kidnapping and ransom et al(along with ice cream and probably some form of chocolate. oh and surely a latte...) and B. the most ridiculous things in the world happen to me and my family (ps i just had one of the most frustrating days ever that i'm not going to go into because i am not going to give my super compassionate husband the opportunity to laugh his head off anymore at my expense- it is just too hard to put back on).



AND a little kid asked me today if my name was ARTHUR. So. Case in point.

Seriously?

I am such a disgusting enabler that i can barely stand myself.

come ON dawn. anytime now.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Jesus of Nazareth
Matthew 11: 28-30


As i write this, my dad is patching the two bullet holes his younger brother left in the ceiling late Saturday night. No one should EVER have to do that.

This is the fourth loss my family has experienced in about a year, and it seems just really almost too much. I was there when my Dad got the call from my aunt. My uncle, who was a minister, didn't show up for church on Sunday. Concerned, the members called my Dad's twin brother, who then sent my cousins to check on him and they discovered the body.

So now my family is there, in the empty house, trying to decide what to do first. And how to be helpful and stay busy. And where to go from here.

The thing is, this alone would be enough (And i don't mean like, "poor me", but the burden of grief for my father and aunt et al is great. No one should have to deal with this much loss in such a short amount of time). But the staggering and almost overwhelming fact is that this is ONE of the four or so crises that i am attempting to deal with at the moment. And the news of my uncle's death came right on the heels of one of the shittiest 24hour periods i have endured in a LONG time.

So i AM tired. And weary. And burdened. And NEED rest.

And i'm still waiting. This does NOT feel "easy". In fact at times it feels barely doable. And i take it one day at a time (sometimes one HOUR at a time). I KNOW he will give me the strength for that. He has thus far. But WHAT about this road that he is asking me to walk and the burdens he is asking me to carry is "light"?

I'm trying to listen (could it be i need to shut the hell up first?) And learn. And grow. I want to become whatever, whoever i need to need to be so i can be done with this season. But, frankly, i feel like enough is enough. Please. Let it be enough.

This time last year i made the most intentional and disciplened effort of my life to move towards God. And it saved me, from myself. And so maybe that needs to be a yearly thing. What is this "yoke" that Jesus wants to give me? And how do i take it and take it WELL? Lord knows i need "rest for my soul" (rest- now there's something i haven't experienced a whole lot of in quite some time!).

I need to once again, prioritize. Make time for what is MOST important; bible study, guitar, reflecting, reading, writing, my family. And let the rest fall where it may.

And be thankful.

And work on contentment (boy, is this ever a hard one for me).

If i choose to, i can see God's hand upon our lives. The comfort in knowing my uncle is at rest, in the arms of a Savior even his own depression and lonliness and lack of trust could not keep him from. His provision for the big AND little things. Justin's new employment; he started the new job just today. The gift cards for groceries in the days without a paycheck. The generosity of his grandparents. The car they are selling us that is so much better than anything we could have afforded on our own. The tax refund. A Suburban that now runs well. The new washer/dryer that showed up today (i hear they ordered the one that DOESN"T burn and tear holes in your clothes!). New friends. The love and prayers and support of old ones. The joy and laughter my children bring me every single day. The encouragement and life i find in art, beauty, music.

So.

I need faith (a mustard seed i hear). And wisdom. And strength. (man alive this post contains lists galore!) And more and more and more stubborn determination (THIS i seem to be mostly ok on). And i'm praying about what to give up for lent. I'm thinking maybe alcohol. It has recently lost a bit of its allure for me anyhow, so i'm not sure that will be as much of a sacrifice. We'll see.

I was listening to Paul of NYC today and this chorus seized my heart:

Be at rest
Oh my soul
Even when a sparrow falls
The Father knows

Be at rest
Oh my soul
His love for you is greater
Than creation knows

Oh God, help me to rest in that love.

Yeah... Broadway's got nothing on this.

But wait! There's more...

We obviously only expose our children to the very finest that culture has to offer.