"The most powerful and genuine Christians are those who accept the challenge of their humanity while opening up their hearts to people they encounter wherever they find themselves."
I came across this today while browsing the Burnside Writers Collective and i thought it was insightful.
It's hard to come face to face with your humanity, not to mention most of the free world coming along with you, and not become cynical or jaded. I often don't really know what to do with myself and it's hard when so many others have strong opinions on the topic. I just think it will be hard to be someone who genuinely is willing to open my heart to others. It hasn't necessarily turned out so well.
But what other choice do i have? To live the rest of my days closed and guarded, lonely and miserable, yet safe? I want to live a life that matters, and i know that is not possible if my main objective is to just make it through without being hurt. Again.
On the other hand i'm told that the heart is "the wellspring of life" and we are to guard it ferociously. We are constantly warned in Proverbs of the dangers of leaving it unprotected. So...?
Most days now i wish i didn't even have one. The reality of the heart is that it is silly, stubborn and proud at the core, and does not listen to reason or logic, for its plumb line is itself. And the wounds of friends, loved ones, etc.. would be so much easier to take if there was no where for the poison to embed itself. And fester. And grow.
Life would be so much easier to live (at least for the moment) if i could dissassociate myself from the ache which is my constant traveling companion. If i could easily logically see that peoples's comments,actions, and judgements are really less about me then they are being fueled by their own wounds and insecurities. Disillusionment is a hard pill to swallow.
But the blasted heart really is there, against my wishes, and therefore my arguments and reason only accomplish so much.
Still, amongst the pain, i can usually function, despite it's ailing imperfect state.
But i would like to someday escape the mediocrity to become powerful and genuine. I think...
I'm just not sure of the path to get there.
