But now I see I was not plucked for naught,
And after in life's vase
Of glass set while I might survive,
But by a kind hand brought
Alive
To a strange place

Henry David Thoreau

Feeling rather melancholy.

I remember saying years ago how very easy my life had been, marked with so little loss. Ah... blissful ignorance...

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something to happen to her
everyday she writes words and more words
just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside
and she's strong when the dreams come cause they
take her, cover her, they are all over
the reality looks far now, but don't go

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
oh oh oh oh

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something good to happen to her
from time to time there are colors and shapes
dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands
they invent her a new world with
oil skies and aquarelle rivers
but don't you run away already
please don't go

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
Take a deep breath and dive
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess
beautiful mess inside

Oh beautiful, beautiful

Far far there's this little girl
she was praying for something big to happen to her
every night she hears beautiful strange music
it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide
but if it fades she begs
"oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it"

She says, "I guess I'll have to give it birth
to give it birth
I guess, I guess I have to give it birth
I guess I have to, have to give it birth
there's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere

Just look at yourself now
deep inside
deeper than you ever dared
deeper than you ever dared
there's a beautiful mess inside
beautiful mess inside

-Yael Naim

This week.

Sierra's feet are now the same size as mine. And i am entering the work force.

WEIRD.

sigh.

i miss alison.

They will know we are Christians....

I'm real done with the general public display of nastiness spewed by the people who are supposed to be characterized and KNOWN by their love for others.

I'm not saying to agree with things you believe are wrong. I'm not saying to roll over and play dead when you don't like what is happening in your community, or your world. I'm not saying to shut up when you have something to say (though maybe my mom was the only one who taught if you couldn't say something nice don't say it at all...)
The Jesus i'm trying to follow surely would not have been in support of or done any of those things.

I AM saying WHAT THE HELL ARE WE THINKING?!

I am grieved and disgusted, as unfortunately seems to be the pattern especially after an election, by the outpouring of malice, cynicism, and hatred towards our fellow man, who just so happens to disagree with "our" particular point of view.

"WE", who are called to be beacons of hope, love, and light to this broken dying world, spend our time recruiting people to join "i hate Obama" groups instead of to charities bringing healing and life to precious Haitians recovering from unthinkable disaster.
(think i remember something about respecting and honoring the rulers God himself has allowed to be in authority...)

"WE", who are supposed to lead the way for peace and reconciliation, burn bridges by maliciously attacking and spitefully name calling those who believe differently, choose differently, VOTE differently than us. I can't count how many times i've read something to the affect of "those idiots..." in the past week or so.
("If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men..." right?)

"WE", who are supposed to BE Christ's hands and feet to a world who needs him more today seemingly than every before, all but completely distort the salvation and grace that was first extended to us. This grace that is "unmerited favor" extended to us.

"We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.”
Acts 15:10-12

Wikepedia writes:

The principle of grace is considered as fundamental to Christianity as justice is to Law. The terms “salvation” and “grace” therefore become virtually synonymous.

Living as people of grace is "fundamental" to our belief system. FUNDAMENTAL.

The message puts it so beautifully.

All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.
Romans 5:19-21

That sounds immeasurably more attractive to me than the typical American Christian way of life and what i am inundated with on Facebook.

A few moments ago, Ella and her friend bounded down the stairs to "tell me something". They wanted me to know that they had a disagreement while playing a game together, but not to worry cause they worked it out and said they were sorry and everything was fine. Because "being friends is better than being right".

Uh. These are preschoolers. Where do we go wrong after 5?

I just am weary of all of it. And find myself continually distancing myself from this demographic that is supposed to be my brothers and sisters.

So church. What now? Will we continue to let our anger- while perhaps at times righteous- give birth to ugliness and sin? Or will we let the matchless grace that has been showered upon us bring forth incomprehensible love to our neighbor?

Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.
Colossians 4:5-7

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.
Romans 12:2-4

Does anyone even blog anymore?

Just wondering.

I wish i had time to say things of importance that i'd like to say. But i don't.

So.

Good Earth Thoughts

Always bear in mind that your resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.

~Abraham Lincoln

hahahahaha

Sometimes i have to come here to laugh cause if i did it on facebook i'd hurt too many feelings.

i've got a perfect body, just sometimes i forget

Regina Spektor Folding Chair

Simple Beautiful Faith

Ella: Blythe...Do you believe God?

Blythe: Yeah.

Ella: Good. Cause he LOVES you.

Blythe: Yeah...even when you make bad choices.

Happy Birthday Ella Blue! I just cannot believe you're...four?

But who don't love a two hour princess swimming party in the pouring rain? More pics to come as i recover (thanks brenda for these!) (ps good thing the after party was at Kell's tonight! Thanks Holly for being born!)

Clydehurst is awesomer than a thing that is real real awesome.

You can find the rest of my infomercial on my facebook.

Another day in the life.

At Target:

Me: "ooh Sierra, you could buy a uniform for school..."

Ella: gasp! "MOMMA, I WANT A UNICORN FOR SCHOOL!!!"

oh and also

The ONLY child who immediately obeyed and started packing when i asked was...you guessed it! The almost four year old. Who chose every single item and placed each on this table for easy packing purposes completely and entirely on her own. (note the amazing folding job and the interesting selection of items- ps we will be gone 10 days)
For the record she was exceptionally excited to show me the "line" she had made for our trip to Hannah Montana in the morning.

i am going to be riding horses real real soon and you are not.

Sweet Ride

So we just figured out that the Wii can plug into our new DVD system in my new car, which is just going to create all sorts of fun on road trips.

(now where to stash the drums?)

The thing is, you'd just really think they'd be used to it by now

My children are really...uh...special.

So fine. If today is a gift then how do i take it back?

This world is so messed up. And i'm so overwhelmed by the death, destruction, disease and depravity of it (and why are they all d's? that really bugs me).
Where is God in all of this? Why does he stay silent? Why doesn't he intervene?
I still believe that he can.

My dear friend Holly lost her husband two days ago in a plane crash. Ironically he was flying to HIS uncle's funeral. Now Holly gets to raise four children on her own, without their father, and her best friend.

And one of the most frustrating parts for me is that they were really really happy. Holly's childhood was not a pleasant one, and she had fought through and overcome the sin and unhealthiness of her family heritage to become an amazing mother and wife, probably one of the very best i know (i have for years been looking to her as a mother that i would desire to be). Her husband obviously adored her, as did she him. I can't remember EVER hearing one negative word about him cross her lips. Ever.
And her children are a delight. Holly had an incredible ministry in a local church and beyond, and all made possible by her loving and supportive husband. (She is who i want to be when i grow up) They loved God and people with their lives. I have been blessed, loved, exhorted and encouraged by Holly in a mighty way this past year.

So then what God? Really? You couldn't have saved the mechanical failure til they were safely on the ground? Or just bypassed it altogether? Or helped them land safely? Were Scott's guardian angels on break? What?

I know "all things work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose". I have no doubt that God will take care of Holly and their kids. Fine. But i want Scott back for his family. I want the world to see this beautiful marriage that gracefully depicted Christ and the church. I want Holly to have a season of (hard-earned) peace and prosperity in her life. I want those children, especially the boys, to have a father to laugh with, play with, talk about life with, grow up with. This is so senseless.

Strangely enough, Holly seemed to kind of have an awareness that it could disappear in an instant. On several occasions she said to me concerning her current state of comfort and prosperity, "Oh it's just a facade. It could all be gone tomorrow".
Why did she have to be right?

Job has really been on my mind. Even before this. I feel like so much has been stripped from me (though unfortunately i had a hand in a lot of it) and i've pleaded with God to let it be enough, (I"m humble now God. Promise!") that i couldn't imagine surviving the loss of loved ones on top of everything else. (I've hesitated to let that thought be documented- it feels too much like a dare)

But now with Holly, the comparison seems even more fitting. A woman who loved God with her everything, and seemingly had it all, only to have what mattered most to this life stripped from her, AND her children. Are we still playing that game God? (I know my opinion is worthless here God, but i think Holly's character was just great without this kind of action)I know Job ended up with MORE than he ever had in the first place- but did he really care about that? (Oh, i don't mind losing all my children. I just got more!)

Again. I am tired. And grieved. And hope that by crying out on behalf of my friend i haven't now turned the wrath of God against me.

COUSINS!

I sure do wish we lived closer...