thoughts, ideas, and general ponderings

2011-10-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

But now I see I was not plucked for naught,
And after in life's vase
Of glass set while I might survive,
But by a kind hand brought
Alive
To a strange place

Henry David Thoreau

Feeling rather melancholy.

2011-09-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

I remember saying years ago how very easy my life had been, marked with so little loss. Ah... blissful ignorance...

2010-10-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something to happen to her
everyday she writes words and more words
just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside
and she's strong when the dreams come cause they
take her, cover her, they are all over
the reality looks far now, but don't go

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
oh oh oh oh

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something good to happen to her
from time to time there are colors and shapes
dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands
they invent her a new world with
oil skies and aquarelle rivers
but don't you run away already
please don't go

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
Take a deep breath and dive
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess
beautiful mess inside

Oh beautiful, beautiful

Far far there's this little girl
she was praying for something big to happen to her
every night she hears beautiful strange music
it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide
but if it fades she begs
"oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it"

She says, "I guess I'll have to give it birth
to give it birth
I guess, I guess I have to give it birth
I guess I have to, have to give it birth
there's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere

Just look at yourself now
deep inside
deeper than you ever dared
deeper than you ever dared
there's a beautiful mess inside
beautiful mess inside

-Yael Naim

This week.

2010-03-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

Sierra's feet are now the same size as mine. And i am entering the work force.

WEIRD.

sigh.

2010-02-04T22:34:00.001-08:00

i miss alison.

They will know we are Christians....

2010-01-29T13:40:00.000-08:00

I'm real done with the general public display of nastiness spewed by the people who are supposed to be characterized and KNOWN by their love for others.

I'm not saying to agree with things you believe are wrong. I'm not saying to roll over and play dead when you don't like what is happening in your community, or your world. I'm not saying to shut up when you have something to say (though maybe my mom was the only one who taught if you couldn't say something nice don't say it at all...)
The Jesus i'm trying to follow surely would not have been in support of or done any of those things.

I AM saying WHAT THE HELL ARE WE THINKING?!

I am grieved and disgusted, as unfortunately seems to be the pattern especially after an election, by the outpouring of malice, cynicism, and hatred towards our fellow man, who just so happens to disagree with "our" particular point of view.

"WE", who are called to be beacons of hope, love, and light to this broken dying world, spend our time recruiting people to join "i hate Obama" groups instead of to charities bringing healing and life to precious Haitians recovering from unthinkable disaster.
(think i remember something about respecting and honoring the rulers God himself has allowed to be in authority...)

"WE", who are supposed to lead the way for peace and reconciliation, burn bridges by maliciously attacking and spitefully name calling those who believe differently, choose differently, VOTE differently than us. I can't count how many times i've read something to the affect of "those idiots..." in the past week or so.
("If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men..." right?)

"WE", who are supposed to BE Christ's hands and feet to a world who needs him more today seemingly than every before, all but completely distort the salvation and grace that was first extended to us. This grace that is "unmerited favor" extended to us.

"We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.”
Acts 15:10-12

Wikepedia writes:

The principle of grace is considered as fundamental to Christianity as justice is to Law. The terms “salvation” and “grace” therefore become virtually synonymous.

Living as people of grace is "fundamental" to our belief system. FUNDAMENTAL.

The message puts it so beautifully.

All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.
Romans 5:19-21

That sounds immeasurably more attractive to me than the typical American Christian way of life and what i am inundated with on Facebook.

A few moments ago, Ella and her friend bounded down the stairs to "tell me something". They wanted me to know that they had a disagreement while playing a game together, but not to worry cause they worked it out and said they were sorry and everything was fine. Because "being friends is better than being right".

Uh. These are preschoolers. Where do we go wrong after 5?

I just am weary of all of it. And find myself continually distancing myself from this demographic that is supposed to be my brothers and sisters.

So church. What now? Will we continue to let our anger- while perhaps at times righteous- give birth to ugliness and sin? Or will we let the matchless grace that has been showered upon us bring forth incomprehensible love to our neighbor?

Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.
Colossians 4:5-7

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.
Romans 12:2-4

Does anyone even blog anymore?

2010-01-23T18:28:00.000-08:00

Just wondering.

I wish i had time to say things of importance that i'd like to say. But i don't.

So.

Good Earth Thoughts

2010-01-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

Always bear in mind that your resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.

~Abraham Lincoln

hahahahaha

2009-12-15T16:46:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i have to come here to laugh cause if i did it on facebook i'd hurt too many feelings.

2009-11-21T10:45:00.000-08:00

i've got a perfect body, just sometimes i forget

Regina Spektor Folding Chair

Simple Beautiful Faith

2009-11-08T22:45:00.000-08:00

Ella: Blythe...Do you believe God?

Blythe: Yeah.

Ella: Good. Cause he LOVES you.

Blythe: Yeah...even when you make bad choices.

Happy Birthday Ella Blue! I just cannot believe you're...four?

2009-08-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

But who don't love a two hour princess swimming party in the pouring rain? More pics to come as i recover (thanks brenda for these!) (ps good thing the after party was at Kell's tonight! Thanks Holly for being born!)

Clydehurst is awesomer than a thing that is real real awesome.

2009-08-06T15:55:00.000-07:00

You can find the rest of my infomercial on my facebook.

Another day in the life.

2009-08-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

At Target:

Me: "ooh Sierra, you could buy a uniform for school..."

Ella: gasp! "MOMMA, I WANT A UNICORN FOR SCHOOL!!!"

oh and also

2009-07-24T02:03:00.000-07:00

The ONLY child who immediately obeyed and started packing when i asked was...you guessed it! The almost four year old. Who chose every single item and placed each on this table for easy packing purposes completely and entirely on her own. (note the amazing folding job and the interesting selection of items- ps we will be gone 10 days)
For the record she was exceptionally excited to show me the "line" she had made for our trip to Hannah Montana in the morning.

i am going to be riding horses real real soon and you are not.

2009-07-24T01:12:00.000-07:00

Sweet Ride

2009-07-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

So we just figured out that the Wii can plug into our new DVD system in my new car, which is just going to create all sorts of fun on road trips.

(now where to stash the drums?)

The thing is, you'd just really think they'd be used to it by now

2009-06-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

My children are really...uh...special.

So fine. If today is a gift then how do i take it back?

2009-05-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

This world is so messed up. And i'm so overwhelmed by the death, destruction, disease and depravity of it (and why are they all d's? that really bugs me).
Where is God in all of this? Why does he stay silent? Why doesn't he intervene?
I still believe that he can.

My dear friend Holly lost her husband two days ago in a plane crash. Ironically he was flying to HIS uncle's funeral. Now Holly gets to raise four children on her own, without their father, and her best friend.

And one of the most frustrating parts for me is that they were really really happy. Holly's childhood was not a pleasant one, and she had fought through and overcome the sin and unhealthiness of her family heritage to become an amazing mother and wife, probably one of the very best i know (i have for years been looking to her as a mother that i would desire to be). Her husband obviously adored her, as did she him. I can't remember EVER hearing one negative word about him cross her lips. Ever.
And her children are a delight. Holly had an incredible ministry in a local church and beyond, and all made possible by her loving and supportive husband. (She is who i want to be when i grow up) They loved God and people with their lives. I have been blessed, loved, exhorted and encouraged by Holly in a mighty way this past year.

So then what God? Really? You couldn't have saved the mechanical failure til they were safely on the ground? Or just bypassed it altogether? Or helped them land safely? Were Scott's guardian angels on break? What?

I know "all things work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose". I have no doubt that God will take care of Holly and their kids. Fine. But i want Scott back for his family. I want the world to see this beautiful marriage that gracefully depicted Christ and the church. I want Holly to have a season of (hard-earned) peace and prosperity in her life. I want those children, especially the boys, to have a father to laugh with, play with, talk about life with, grow up with. This is so senseless.

Strangely enough, Holly seemed to kind of have an awareness that it could disappear in an instant. On several occasions she said to me concerning her current state of comfort and prosperity, "Oh it's just a facade. It could all be gone tomorrow".
Why did she have to be right?

Job has really been on my mind. Even before this. I feel like so much has been stripped from me (though unfortunately i had a hand in a lot of it) and i've pleaded with God to let it be enough, (I"m humble now God. Promise!") that i couldn't imagine surviving the loss of loved ones on top of everything else. (I've hesitated to let that thought be documented- it feels too much like a dare)

But now with Holly, the comparison seems even more fitting. A woman who loved God with her everything, and seemingly had it all, only to have what mattered most to this life stripped from her, AND her children. Are we still playing that game God? (I know my opinion is worthless here God, but i think Holly's character was just great without this kind of action)I know Job ended up with MORE than he ever had in the first place- but did he really care about that? (Oh, i don't mind losing all my children. I just got more!)

Again. I am tired. And grieved. And hope that by crying out on behalf of my friend i haven't now turned the wrath of God against me.

COUSINS!

2009-04-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

I sure do wish we lived closer...

Ella Lisa - pour ash-a-bee

2009-04-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

So we're eating lunch at OMSI today and she walks over to a table of old ladies, sits down, announces she has a runny nose and asks how many of them are married.

I suggested that maybe she should start saying "may i join you?" before crashing random lunch dates...
(this is not an isolated occurrence you see)

Overheard at Bingo Night

2009-04-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

Ella: Excuse me, you are awesome.

Super Cool Looking Rock Star Mom: Thank you. You are awesome too.

Ella: No. Just you.

Ella: Who does your hair?

Please vote for the most authentic priceless replica!

2009-04-03T16:26:00.001-07:00

2009-03-25T12:27:00.000-07:00

Ella and i just did a FABULOUS spontaneous song and dance number to Easy Street complete with tambourines and maracas and it just really made my week.

Lent Meditation

2009-03-24T17:54:00.001-07:00

"We are not masters of our own feeling, but we are by God's grace masters of our consent." St Francis de Sales

I don't rememer life being this heavy...

2009-03-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

"Yeah, life is hard. Go hug your kids." Grandpa Bill

Read Sex God.

2009-03-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

I'm serious. Like right now.
And get your own copy too. Cause you're gonna wanna underline.
(don't worry em. i didn't. even though i really really wanted to)

seems to be the general consensus around here. ACTUALLY

2009-02-23T10:13:00.000-08:00

Ella: Mom, LOOK!

Me: Oh yeah. It looks like a bruise.(said VERY sympathetically)

Ella: Yeah. I need a bandaid.

Me: Nope.

Ella: Yes, i do.

Me: Nope. Bandaids are for if there is blood or the skin is open.

Ella: I NEED a bandaid.

Me: You are welcome to ask Aunt Becca for a second opinion.

Ella: Huh?

Me: You are welcome to ask Aunt Becca for a second opinion.

Ella: Huh?

Me: A SE-COND O-PIN-ION (enunciating VERY carefully)

Ella: AUNT BECCA!!

Aunt Becca: Yes?

Ella: I need a pinion. But NOT my Mom's.

Ella: I need a bandaid.

If you think of me...

2009-02-21T13:38:00.000-08:00

I'm going to attempt singing while playing for the first time, in front of how ever many hundreds of people show up for the memorial, tomorrow afternoon. (nothing like jumping in with both feet's what i always say. Hey, i never claimed to be extremely bright)

Anywho. I could use whatever prayers/nice thoughts etc... you have free to send me.

Thanks-

(When the Tears Fall by Tim Hughes if you are curious. I didn't feel like i needed to sing at any of the other services, but this time i feel like i would like to do something to encourage and comfort my family- see the words below)

I’ve had questions without answers
I’ve known sorrow, I have known pain
But there’s one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus, You’re true

When hope is lost, I’ll call You Savior
When pain surrounds, I’ll call you Healer
When silence falls,
You’ll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender forever more

I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
I will praise You, Jesus, praise You
Through the suffering, still I will sing

When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord, are you there?
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend

Still I will praise You, Jesus, praise You

so it's GENETIC

2009-02-20T23:02:00.001-08:00

So my mom was involved in a lock down at her chiropractor for over five hours the other day due to a hostage situation in a room at an adjacent hotel. They could see the police activity from the front window and thus were able to track the breaking news events of the day.

I'm not sure exactly what went down, or how the situation was resolved (those of you with time to keep up with local news, who am i joking?- ANY news at all, may know more than i do here) but i DO know what maybe some of you without the inside scoop may not. The kidnappers' demands included donuts and pizza. No joke.

First of all, those items are MOST DEFINITELY making my top ten demands in case i ever decide to go into kidnapping and ransom et al(along with ice cream and probably some form of chocolate. oh and surely a latte...) and B. the most ridiculous things in the world happen to me and my family (ps i just had one of the most frustrating days ever that i'm not going to go into because i am not going to give my super compassionate husband the opportunity to laugh his head off anymore at my expense- it is just too hard to put back on).

AND a little kid asked me today if my name was ARTHUR. So. Case in point.

Seriously?

2009-02-09T22:36:00.000-08:00

I am such a disgusting enabler that i can barely stand myself.

come ON dawn. anytime now.

2009-02-09T19:48:00.000-08:00

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Jesus of Nazareth
Matthew 11: 28-30

As i write this, my dad is patching the two bullet holes his younger brother left in the ceiling late Saturday night. No one should EVER have to do that.

This is the fourth loss my family has experienced in about a year, and it seems just really almost too much. I was there when my Dad got the call from my aunt. My uncle, who was a minister, didn't show up for church on Sunday. Concerned, the members called my Dad's twin brother, who then sent my cousins to check on him and they discovered the body.

So now my family is there, in the empty house, trying to decide what to do first. And how to be helpful and stay busy. And where to go from here.

The thing is, this alone would be enough (And i don't mean like, "poor me", but the burden of grief for my father and aunt et al is great. No one should have to deal with this much loss in such a short amount of time). But the staggering and almost overwhelming fact is that this is ONE of the four or so crises that i am attempting to deal with at the moment. And the news of my uncle's death came right on the heels of one of the shittiest 24hour periods i have endured in a LONG time.

So i AM tired. And weary. And burdened. And NEED rest.

And i'm still waiting. This does NOT feel "easy". In fact at times it feels barely doable. And i take it one day at a time (sometimes one HOUR at a time). I KNOW he will give me the strength for that. He has thus far. But WHAT about this road that he is asking me to walk and the burdens he is asking me to carry is "light"?

I'm trying to listen (could it be i need to shut the hell up first?) And learn. And grow. I want to become whatever, whoever i need to need to be so i can be done with this season. But, frankly, i feel like enough is enough. Please. Let it be enough.

This time last year i made the most intentional and disciplened effort of my life to move towards God. And it saved me, from myself. And so maybe that needs to be a yearly thing. What is this "yoke" that Jesus wants to give me? And how do i take it and take it WELL? Lord knows i need "rest for my soul" (rest- now there's something i haven't experienced a whole lot of in quite some time!).

I need to once again, prioritize. Make time for what is MOST important; bible study, guitar, reflecting, reading, writing, my family. And let the rest fall where it may.

And be thankful.

And work on contentment (boy, is this ever a hard one for me).

If i choose to, i can see God's hand upon our lives. The comfort in knowing my uncle is at rest, in the arms of a Savior even his own depression and lonliness and lack of trust could not keep him from. His provision for the big AND little things. Justin's new employment; he started the new job just today. The gift cards for groceries in the days without a paycheck. The generosity of his grandparents. The car they are selling us that is so much better than anything we could have afforded on our own. The tax refund. A Suburban that now runs well. The new washer/dryer that showed up today (i hear they ordered the one that DOESN"T burn and tear holes in your clothes!). New friends. The love and prayers and support of old ones. The joy and laughter my children bring me every single day. The encouragement and life i find in art, beauty, music.

So.

I need faith (a mustard seed i hear). And wisdom. And strength. (man alive this post contains lists galore!) And more and more and more stubborn determination (THIS i seem to be mostly ok on). And i'm praying about what to give up for lent. I'm thinking maybe alcohol. It has recently lost a bit of its allure for me anyhow, so i'm not sure that will be as much of a sacrifice. We'll see.

I was listening to Paul of NYC today and this chorus seized my heart:

Be at rest
Oh my soul
Even when a sparrow falls
The Father knows

Be at rest
Oh my soul
His love for you is greater
Than creation knows

Oh God, help me to rest in that love.

Yeah... Broadway's got nothing on this.

2009-02-03T21:50:00.000-08:00

But wait! There's more...

We obviously only expose our children to the very finest that culture has to offer.

i heart art lit!

2009-01-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

Art inspired by the artist formerly known as Katsushika Hokusai

"Be Fine in 09" (i finally settled on a mantra- i was toying with "Live Well" for a while, but first things first and i DO so like rhyming...)

2009-01-22T13:40:00.000-08:00

So FIRST of all, this is my desktop pic right now, so i think about and pray for and miss our friends an awful lot (especially for the kiddos).

Second of all, i went to a middle school open house the other night. MIDDLE SCHOOL.

ahem.

Third of all, i miss talking to Allison.

Fourth...i just wonder if this year will be different. If we will resurface from the haze we have been treading through and redefine our lives. And if we are (i am) ready for that. I mean, ready enough to really do something about it. I feel i am stuck somewhere in this dichotomy of eternal perspective, where we have all the time in the world to figure this life, love, relationship stuff out, and life slipping straight through my fingers.(My babies are growing up right before my eyes, my youth... well i am trying to accept that it has pretty much moved on, and now i am SUPPOSED to be wise-ish. And mature. And that all truly can be terrifying...)
And then there's the what next. So my kids grow up and leave and what then? And what between now and then to set me best up for then (though phew that i at least tested in the 17th grade- can i have a note linds? I'm going to site it on my resume). And why can i STILL not play guitar?(i mean worth a crap of course- so don't argue the point with me) And why haven't i written a single damn thing in an entire year?
And then there's friendships...Am i supposed to be learning to look for that in God alone? Or do i need to change myself and be a better friend and not such a piece of work? OR WHAT?!
Oh how i just really want to live INTENTIONALLY! Somehow that seems so much harder to accomplish than it seems it should. (and why am i so MELODRAMATIC?)

...speaking of.
That should probably be all for now.

happy 2009.

2009-01-07T22:06:00.000-08:00

We have begun our new year with a few losses and i've been wondering if maybe we have just been looking at things all wrong.
WHAT IF we simply placed justin's job under his pillow tonight as he is going to sleep. Surely the job fairy is not TOO busy to make a stop at our humble abode and take away the small, old dead job that he has OBVIOUSLY outgrown and leave cold hard cash in it's sorry place. (And of course looking forward to the assured surface of a bigger, better, much more fitting job in the weeks to come!)

Like i said. Just a thought.

2008-12-10T15:10:00.000-08:00

I am starting a petition to force cream puff makers to EITHER make their product BITE-size OR to make a thicker pastry lining.

It's time to be conscientious and responsible, people. for the love.

ahem

2008-11-19T21:38:00.000-08:00

So Cade's 9 year old friend, Las just gave him an ipod. (i guess he had an extra?) Anywho, what i don't get MORE than the fact that he just handed him an ipod is the music that is on his playlist. I'm not joking. It is SERIOUSLY disturbing to me that ANYONE let alone a 9 year old is listening to this crap- oh wait this is his OLD one. So who knows how long he has been listening to it. (of course this is mostly assumptions and speculating on my part after browsing through the titles of the artists/albums/songs- i'm not brave enough to actually listen to it)
And i know, i know, i'm so naive and blah blah blah. I do love me some good Korn, Godsmack, and Marilyn Manson but ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME!?
It makes me really really concerned (make that ANXIOUS) about the youth and future of our country that THIS is the total shit that is inundating their developing minds and world views starting in elementary school. Aye. And don't tell me that it doesn't affect them. Read some studies and then we'll talk.

End of my rant.
(for now of course)

a sweet remembrance

2008-11-19T14:58:00.000-08:00

This is what filled my mind's eye as i read to him last week. Those years and years of reading from God's word in a little circle by the fire at church Sunday mornings. I was actually wishing i knew where they had left off...

2008-11-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

The past couple days i've had the privilege of sitting by my grandpa's side as he prepared for heaven. On Tuesday my family and i sang some of his favorite hymns to him, and though he was mostly unresponsive, we were told that hearing is the last sense to go, so i'm sure that it blessed him. I know it did us.
That night i got some time alone with him while my aunt and parents went for dinner. I held his warm strong hand and read to him Psalms, of God's great love for us and of our inheritance in Christ, and from Revelation, marveling at the things which he was to soon see and experience first hand.
Grandpa was not able to communicate much with us that day. He would attempt a murmering response at times, and seemed to acknowledge what was being said in his ear. But it wasn't until i gave him a hug and kiss goodbye and told him i loved him, that he slowly opened his eyes to look into mine and say "i love you too". How incredibly blessed i feel, and understand it to be a gift straight from God, that those were the last words i heard him say.
Yesterday, i spent more time with Grandpa, but he was further from us. The only response i witnessed was wiggling of his toes as times- when asked a question or while we were singing. And finally, even that was gone. (I wondered if he was getting sick of hearing us sing, i worked my way through 2/3s of a hymnal, but figured he could let me know someday if that was the case)
Watching him struggle to take each and every breath, i prayed for peace, comfort and even a spirit of anticipation for him. That Jesus would come and take his hand to lead him straight to paradise, and grandma (I sure don't know if that's how it works, but i have suspicions, and it doesn't hurt to ask). And i prayed for strength and hope for his adoring children and grandchildren surrounding him.
Last night, in the final minutes of what was my grandmother's birthday, he left us to be with her and his Lord. I am so thankful for the peace, the answered prayers and the legacy of strength, faith and love that grandpa has left behind.
He will be missed terribly but we know we will see him soon.

FINALLY... a viable option

2008-11-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

Happy No School On Halloween!

2008-10-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

My kids let me sleep in this morning AND made me breakfast. (hmmm maybe they want something?) Also, in case you can't tell, it consisted of pancakes with raspberry syrup, chocolate syrup, whipped cream. strawberries, and powdered sugar. Might as well be consistent with the sugar high theme of the day i guess.

ps

2008-10-23T00:24:00.000-07:00

I just uploaded a bunch of pics from my japanese garden field trip last week on my PTC blog cause i wanted a distraction.
And pretty fall stuff makes me happy.
So you should take a look if you get a chance.

I guess it's that time of year again.

2008-10-22T23:34:00.000-07:00

My grandfather had a stroke today and does not wish to have brain surgery to stop the hemorrhaging in his brain.
So basically, unless it stops bleeding on its own, it seems real likely that he will be reunited with grandma within the next few weeks.
Good for him. Bad for us, i guess.

(Strangely enough, my friend Bridget used to be Blasi just called me from my Dad's phone. She is working on my Grandpa's floor and recognized my parents from youth group days, and it's just nice to know someone amazing like her is taking care of my family.)

Indian Ford Meadow

2008-10-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

dear preschool,

2008-10-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

Two and a half hours is NOT enough time to do ANYTHING.

Last October

2008-10-05T20:11:00.001-07:00

Top Spur

2008-10-05T19:49:00.001-07:00

Mt Thielson Wildflowers

2008-10-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

Portland Classical Chinese Garden

2008-10-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

just because

2008-09-29T10:02:00.001-07:00

i like to look at a picture when i open this thing up.

this blog is sponsered by progressive auto insurance

2008-09-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

I JUST SAVED $388.60 ON MY AUTO INSURANCE BY SWITCHING FROM GEICO TO PROGRESSIVE!!!

(no lie- for a 6th month policy. that is a savings of $777.20 a year. oh, AND i also now have four times the coverage. SUCKAS!)

OMG- espresso pillows.

2008-09-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so i don't know how i became so delusional to think i would have "extra time" when school started. (though maybe it is the auction too...i'll need to check back in after that)
So...i would like to blog more. And put more photos up. And etc.. and etc...
But at least i am making sure i do not take out the things that are life giving.
And for the record, ella is so freaking hilarious i can hardly stand it sometimes.
aka- she started a story about preschool the other night at the table by saying "APPARENTLY i was washing the babies..." and no people, they were not real babies.
(so apparently... she parrots back just about everything i say so it should get REAL interesting- i especially enjoy the exasperated sighs she frequently voices when asked to do something)

So i am overwhelmed, sore from yoga, hoping for a jammed finger (SONJA!- ps i am needing my pinky more than i had originally predicted- oh crap! guitar should be fun), exhausted, fed up with drama, thankful for new/old friends, not sure i can pull off this new haircut (i know you believe in me, Colleen - ps ella is talking to you on her phone right now and just asked if you were still sick), hoping i do not have to sit in time out at book club tomorrow, excited for art lit, enjoying my study, looking for a well deserving dog to feed my cat to, thankful for chicken noodle soup (you rock Ginny!), fed up with The Man and injustice and inconsiderate jerks and ridiculousness and Verizon in general(special place in hell you know), wondering why we are STILL watering the swamplands in my backyard, and WAYYYYY behind on laundry (would it be too much to ask that we all take a day off of the peeing the bed? pretty please. just until i get caught up at least?).

But we live today, right?

So again, here's to espresso pillows (i think i may develop a habit)

I'm gonna say they take after their father

2008-09-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

Finally the first day of school is upon us! Though i do have to say, as i get older (i said oldER not old) the summers go by more and more quickly, and really, i DO enjoy my kids and we had a fun summer (which i hope to share more of as i have time to go back and upload pics). Here are my beautiful crazy pants kids (i really did not have the patience for this so oh well)

Sierra- 5th grade (last year of elementary school!)

Cado- 3rd grade

Blythie- 1st Grade

and...start Dora induced coma (also funny, for now at least,is how after a summer of no tv Ella has no idea what commercials are and screams out in alarm EACH and EVERY commercial break)Ella starts pre-school next Tuesday and she'll tell anyone who will listen!

yeah. STILL not appreciating this.

2008-08-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

In other news, i have been having a pretty fabulous week.
Spent the first part of the week in Olympia,visiting the amazing andrea- a friend since birth that i haven't spent time with in FOREVER. She grew up in a family of 6 so i think that even though she is just pregnant with their first, we may not have COMPLETELY overwhelmed her (ps their house shall from this point on be affectionately referred to as CAMP ANDREA- her training for us also includes her years as a special ed preschool teacher)
THEN- we drove home last night and justin and i went to The Phantom of the Opera, which was magical. No joke people. Oh how i love...well everything about the theater, opera, preforming arts, etc... Also, i think it was maybe a decade or so since i last saw it (and i'm pretty sure the movie from a few years back was moderately different) And the special thing about my disfunctional memory is that it's ALWAYS a surprise- like seeing it for the first time again and again. (i seriously could not remember how it ended- yet i could sing you all the songs- at least watermelon them. so so odd)
Anyway, i'm tired and need to get a billion things done today and tomorrow morn before we leave for Indian Ford and we get back and it's time for school. My mom so thoughtfully helped my schedule by allowing the dr's to remove ALL of the skin cancer they found on her head in one swoop this morning before i could get down to represent (she's like that you know). If you wanna say a little prayer for her over that little matter i'm sure she would love it (and us too of course).
Lastly, it has recently come to my attention that my butt is getting bigger. I'm still trying to decide what to do with that little (or not so little ha ha) piece of information. (could it be that i'm in my thirties? yikes, this is mildly disturbing)

i have soo many pics to post...

2008-08-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

...and so little time (so i just went with this for now- school's starting soon you know and then i MIGHT have time for things like updating my blog and showering)

i heart PTC

2008-08-20T10:48:00.001-07:00

a coveted look behind the scenes of the last outing

in the unlikely event of a water landing

2008-08-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

um...i hope that i am not shish-kabobbed tomorrow
(i'm just thinking climbing the "lightening rod of the cascades" with a chance of T-storms might not be our best idea ever)

a thought about love, or maybe life

2008-08-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

"The only thing that matters is that the adjustment of abandonment to selfless love be made perfectly, so that I stop seeking to be loved and abandon myself to the joy of giving love to others." Hannah Hurnard

(still working this one through)

And for the record

2008-08-07T23:39:00.000-07:00

This I am really really happy about...

This...not so much.

(ok so i know i am a cry baby whiner, but REALLY? It was all looking so so nice like YESTERDAY!)(sigh)

Happy Anniversary Lindsay!

2008-07-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a dear friend
And her name is Lindsay.

XOXOXOXOXO

2008-07-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

Also, the crazy pants pictured below announced while getting down from the dinner table tonight that "i going downtown" and proceeded to pull her dora jammie pants down to her knees (revealing that she had forgotten another vital article of clothing) and strut down the hall with her hands on her hips.

(yeah, i can't even BEGIN to attempt to understand where stuff like that comes from- but i'll tell you, that i am thankful for the tears that come to my eyes through the uncontrolled laughter)

2008-07-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

Does anyone NOT think of Karate Kid while they are washing their car?

mele kalikimaka

2008-07-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

Overheard

2008-07-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

"Mrs. Wolverton, you are an enchilada maker extraordinaire!"

-from the president of Oregon Truss at dinner tonight

2008-07-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

Cade: Mom if you have another boy i wanna name him Extreme.

Me: Extreme Wolverton?

Cade: Extreme MICHAEL Wolverton. So can we?

Me: Why not.

2008-07-18T15:44:00.000-07:00

if your life's going down the drain-o
there's really no need to complain-o
or to even try and explain-o
just follow the new terrain-o
until you come to a place much more buen-o

(this is the kind of frightening crap that is going on in my brain when i am trying desperately to sleep. helpful, don't you think?)

ELLA WENT ALL DAY WITHOUT AN ACCIDENT YESTERDAY!!!

2008-07-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

In other news, if i haven't mentioned before we are having a no-tv (except weekends) summer, AKA i have no time to do anything but entertain, serve, feed, educate, and enjoy my kids 24-7. Thus why my blog has gone to pot.

to my health!

2008-06-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

So now i am drinking beer and not exercising(it is hard to in summer- aka school's out) and i was thinking that sounded like a pretty winner combination.

ahem

2008-06-12T11:18:00.000-07:00

I would like to announce to the world that yesterday i ordered my first beer EVER (i was told that raspberry thing at the Rheinlander that one time did NOT count) AND i did not even make beer face when i was drinking it AND i even ordered a second glass. (PLUS i don't think the guys at the table would've even guessed i was not a beer drinking fiend and brenda was a good friend and didn't tell:))(Wait, i did order a glass and not a pint, that may have been moderately suspicious)(dang it!)

sigh

2008-06-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

Oh man am i ever enjoying a catcher in the rye! I'm almost done and i really don't wanna be cause i laugh out loud every page just about.
And i sure am gonna miss ol' Holden when this is done. He kills me. He really does.

2008-06-05T21:39:00.000-07:00

So today was kinda a bummer.

First, i didn't get to go to guitar lessons OR pilates.
Second, the equator has apparently shifted southwards unbeknownst to those of us who signed our children up for spring baseball and softball.
and Third, Blythe puked in the starbucks parking lot right as i was about to pick up a warm caffeinated drink to get me through the next few hours of spectating.

On a positive note, Sierra ROCKED her last game. She had some AMAZING catches, a huge infield grounder, two hits to the outfield, and even a single handed double play. I would guess she was responsible for AT LEAST a third of the teams outs, and i promise i am not just being a parent. For reals. I'm sorry you missed it. Also, if i may brag just a little, this is her first year playing and she was even a little nervous to start this season, worried that she wouldn't be good enough.

On a not so positive note, i really really hope i don't catch this bug, cause it just so happens it would be a royal pain in the ass to deal with puking WHILE watching a 10 month old chocolate lab puppy for the weekend, helping at field day, going to NCO, attending Sierra's softball team party, watching Cade's baseball game, driving Cade to a birthday party (picking up a birthday present), playing a softball game, going to TKB?, picking up supplies and refreshments for Paul's CD release party, and doing lyrics for ethnos and the party. So God, with that in mind, can we pretty please just skip that this time maybe?

ALSO: We have a new friend who keeps visiting our front door, as the other members of my household can not seem to remember to bring the cat food inside the house. And i was thinking, as the little fella has become the most regular visitor of our home that he or she should at least be given a name. Maybe Rocky, or Ricky or something. I was kinda leaning toward Rita to tell you the truth. (ps how do you know if a raccoon is a boy or a girl?) Anyway, i am open to suggestions.

help please

2008-06-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

Today i could use prayers and patience (and/or prayers for patience) because:

1. Ella is wearing panties

2. It is monday

3. I, like Garrett, and Allison, can not seem to sleep through the night

4. Justin is still devastated from my 400+ point victory at Rummy last night

and

5. Ella is wearing panties

No. Thank YOU!

2008-05-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

I have recently been given a shout out on an album.
(Pretty sure i can die now. My life has been made complete.)

Or maybe i should make one first, so you can all experience the same elation.
Hmmm...
i'll give it some thought.

"The whole outlook of mankind might be changed...

2008-05-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

...if we could all believe that we dwell under a friendly sky and that the God of heaven, though exalted in power and majesty, is eager to be friends with us."

"Ironically" today in my daily chapter in A.W. Tozer's The Knowledge of the Holy i came to some more thoughts on the prodigal. (I know, I know, this must be getting old to some, but it is MY blog and all, and I had to laugh to myself at God's persistence in teaching my old stubborn will and all, so here it is.)

By our own attitudes we may determine our reception by Him. Though the kindness of God is an infinite, overflowing fountain of cordiality, God will not force his attention upon us. If we would be welcomed as the Prodigal was, we must come as the Prodigal came; and when we so come, even though the Pharisees and the legalists sulk without, there will be a feast of welcome within, and music and dancing as the Father takes His child again to His heart.

(A.W.Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy, chap 16 The Goodness of God, p84)

PS

2008-05-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

I was feeling like maybe i was a little unclear in my last post, mostly because of some of the responses i have received.
I believe that the homecoming of the prodigal happens when one turns from that which took him away from the Father in the first place, at the point of confession and repentance, and not when he reaches the point of full healing.

With that in mind, i feel like i "came home" a year ago, but i have been standing on the front steps, unwilling to cast aside my own(and others) condemnation and judgment and enjoy the endless mercies of my Father's home. I have been waiting for my servant's assignment, too shamed to waste God's grace on one such as me.

Sadly, it really is just a sign of ugly pride, that i would have the audacity to tell God "Sorry, but your grace really isn't sufficient for ME. What I did just is going to take more." And continue to refuse his mercies.

Thinking back on some of the interactions of the last year,and there were many of you that loved me SO well, there is one imparticular I wanted to share that i now believe showed the Father's heart so beautifully.
After confessing my sin to a dear friend last year, i was floored by her response. She warmly and with a great amount of feeling embraced me and told me over and over how proud she was of me. Ridiculous, I know. And i sure told her so.
But as one who had also been forgiven much, she knew the amount of courage and strength my path would now take to walk. And how very much love, support, and encouragement i would need. (and i can't even begin to tell you how right she was)
And so putting aside what i deserved, she showed me instead a incomprehensible amount of grace and love.

Don't get me wrong. Repentance and restoration are processes. And should not be rushed. But God's grace is freely available to all, at the MOMENT we come to him, broken and needy.
That's all.

Coming Home

2008-05-19T10:35:00.000-07:00

I just finished re-reading the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) for the first time.

Yeah, so obviously, i, probably not unlike you, have heard/read it gazillions of times before. But in the past, i had always read it from the perspective of the older brother, taking from it warnings of pride and judgement. And had truthfully felt a little jealousy toward the pathetic wayward little bro and the injustice of the whole situation ("I mean come on God, isn't this grace thing a little over the top?")
Today, i have experienced this ridiculous grace for the first time. I have been standing on the edge of my Father's property, waiting to be all cleaned up and
presentable, knowing that he deserves AT LEAST that. (I did go, ask for the world, ditch him and then squander all he had given me and all)

So i came to the prodigal's words in verse 17

"But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer to be worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants."'

Did you notice what sent him back? Hunger. That's it. He wasn't healed. Or all neat and put back together. Or ready with a really tear jerking inspirational testimony of grace and restoration. He was empty, and needy, and broken, and wanted desperately to be under the care and graces of his father again. And was more than ready to humble himself and become a servant; work off his penance, we'll say, in order to just live in his shadow.

So here comes the part i know you know, but let me ask you read it again with the fresh eyes of the starving, filthy, shamed son:

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and RAN and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants,'Bring quickly the best robe, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to CELEBRATE."

Our Father is scanning the horizon, dying for us to decide to come back home, so he can sprint to us and hold us while we collapse from grief, fatigue and bitter loneliness and weep openly in his arms. And then do you see what he wants to do? Bring us into his home, clothe us with his very best, proudly mark us as his own and throw a party like these here parts have never seen (i mean seriously, they could hear the thing out in the fields for pete's sake). And all in our honor (talk about humbling).
Again, note what the son had to do: 1. Realize his stupidity 2.Confess his sin and 3. Come home. Period. And his Father's love and grace did the rest.
And oh how much that is. We (i) do not have to come work off our sin to get back into his good graces, to be worthy of living in his household. Or clean out our hearts and minds of every impurity. Or make right all of the wrongs we have done.
First of all, because we can't. And what ignorant pride to believe that we can have any part in our redemption to begin with.
God is simply waiting for us to return, and surrender ourselves to a love beyond comprehension. And i, for one, am tired of trying to convince him otherwise.

So, here's a side note to the faithful: I pray that God really writes this story on my heart. Because as overwhelmingly humbled and overtaken as i am by his undeserved love for me, there is the part of the story that threatens this joy in my homecoming.
Oh big brother, that you would plead for your father's heart on this one; and then trust his sovereign judgment. That you would accept the prodigal's return and the Father's unmerited grace towards him. Jump at the chance to fully embrace him on his homecoming, and then run to help with the party preparations.
Please don't even think of refusing the invite; to sulk and miss out on true fellowship and a beautiful display of redemption and restoration. Yes, it is undeserved mercy. Unmerited favor. Praise God that his grace covers us all(and by the way- we really REALLY want you there too).

Nonetheless, i am here. Hungry and tired, naked and beat up and poor. But home.
I have nothing to offer or contribute but that which my Father has mercifully given me. Use it or not as he may, it is his to do with what he pleases.

And for now i will be content with resting in his graces, gaining my strength by living each day in the shadow of his mercy.

"Hungry I come to you for i know you satisfy. I am empty, but i know your love does NOT run dry."

But seek FIRST the kingdom of God and his righteousnes, and ALL THESE THINGS will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Read The Shack

2008-05-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

"God does not heal us so he can use us, cause God does not USE people. He heals us because he loves us."

-William Paul Young (speaking to ME Tuesday morning. ok and maybe a few others)

ps I received this book Sunday, read it Monday, heard the author speak Tues morn and would be rereading it soon but it needs to be read by others (and i'm BEHIND on my book club selection anyway and will NOT be a slacker two months in a row!)

2008-05-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

So today i painted impressionistic waterlilies and preformed Italian Arias for the first time in over a decade (to twenty kindergarteners).
And it was kinda fun.

P.S.

2008-04-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

WHY IS IT STILL SNOWING?!!!!

another day in the life...

2008-04-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

Blythe: Who's this singing?

Me: Hillary Duff

Blythe: Ooh. Do you want me to turn it off?

Me: Why? I thought you liked her?

Blythe: Well it's just that i heard you the other day in the car. You know, about her and Obama.

Me: Ohh. That was Hillary CLINTON.

Blythe: Ohh. It's just that i don't know all that many Hillarys.

sigh

2008-04-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

I wanna go horse back riding.

(aka- you know you seem down when your grocery cashier asks if you need a hug)

FOR THE LOVE

2008-04-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

I swear that if this damn weather ruins my jasmine and clematis that are just about ready to bloom, someone is going to pay.

oxygen

2008-04-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

So i have found myself unbelievably busy lately, a lot due to kids sports and etc like usual, (who knew baseball and softball would each be a 5-6 hour commitment a week?! not to mention IN SLEET HAIL AND SNOW. i thought that was just the postal service...anyway...),but also it has been because of some really really good things i have filled my days with. And while generally i think rushed chaos is not the best way to live (and my house is a PIT), for right now, it is allowing me to breathe. And often, even enjoy the process.

New, little (or not so little) things i am doing that bring joy & life:

-Book Club (except this month trying to plow through Faulkner)
-Basketball (i'm counting this as new cause now Brenda is joining too, and besides the constant beating she gives me, it makes it super DUPER fun)
-Bible Study (When Godly People Do Ungodly Things- with the girls)
-Art Literacy (I teach kindies, and second and fourth graders- this month is Paul Klee, next is MONET!)
-Knitting ( 11 scarves, 4 hats, 7 baby hats, and i'm working on a baby bonnet and a hat for ella right now- oh and i taught 5 peeps how to knit last Sat)
-Financial Peace University (getting out of debt WHILE knitting!)
-Propresenter ( serving ethnos on lyrics)
-TURBO Kickboxing
-Pilates
-Yoga (etc... I FINALLY got added to our gym membership!!!)
-Phiner Things Club (if you're not already in the know, you are not exclusive enough to join)
-Guitar Lessons (hallelujah amen and my fingers hurt)

CANNELET!

2008-04-11T12:59:00.000-07:00

So we (five children and i) just went and "helped" at the new NCO pearl location and it is SO cute and small and carpeted and warm (yay) and I am really excited to be down there on a regular basis. It's closer to me than the old location was AND especially (um, not sure if this is a REALLY good thing or a REALLY bad thing) since i realized it is just blocks away from St. Honore, my favorite boulangerie this side of sweet Paris (please read with an accent). Though...i will have to say, i may save my next visit for when i am accompanied ONLY by a latte, a pain au chocolate and a book. C'est tres difficult a saveur la vie avec tout la chaos.

Hey! We should sell tickets...

2008-04-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

Just another dinnertime at the Wolverton's-

Sierra: " I think you guys have said "fridge" too much to Ella. Today, she fell down at the playground and she said "FRIDGE"."

Me(skeptically): "Oh really?"

All eyes turn to Ella

Ella(mischievously): "juice box!"

and then...

i ABHOR easter grass

2008-03-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

And while i am SO DONE with this over the top ridiculous weather- it helps a little to know that san diego right now is only 13 degrees warmer.

(ps i think i may have lost a few toes to frost bite last night and i know i know my fault for wearing open toed shoes WHILE it is snowing but it is almost APRIL and how often do my toes look so cute and sometimes you just have to sacrifice and this time that meant toe mobility for life and i did look good so there you go)

(yes, still reading Faulkner)

Crowder and me

2008-03-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

Lord i'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord i'm so alone
I know the dark is creeping in
Is creeping up to swallow me
I think i'll stay and rest awile

This is all that i can say right now
This is all that i can give

Did you see me crying?
Did you hear me call your name?
Wasn't it you i gave my heart to?
I wish you'd remember where you set it down.

This is all that i can say right now.
This is all that i can give

Didn't notice you standing here
I didn't know that that was you holding me
I didn't notice you were crying too
I didn't know that that was you washing my feet

And this is all
This is all that i can say right now (i know it's not much)
This is all that i can give...

And that's my everything

ella blue

2008-03-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

now

2008-03-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

THE DISCIPLINE OF SPIRITUAL TENACITY

"Be still. and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10).

Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire. Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered. The greatest fear a man has is not that he will be damned, but that Jesus Christ will be worsted, that the things He stood for -love and justice and forgiveness and kindness among men - will not win out in the end; the things He stands for look like will-o'-the-wisps. Then comes the call to spiritual tenacity, not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately on the certainty that God is not going to be worsted.
If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God. "Because thou has kept the word of my patience."
Remain spiritually tenacious.

-Oswald Chambers (and thanks to mark for this too)

The thing is, i have certainly failed at all this. And am so grieved at not only bringing sorrow to my God, but also for being a tool of his adversary. I have inadvertently spread unbelief with my choices and actions, have hurt his bride (which i always have truly loved) and have discredited the gospel, to which i owe my life.
Everything is still rather fuzzy, but is becoming clearer with each passing day. And you know, it is all so very REAL. And big. And pretty damn scary at times. It's so hard, you know? When you just wish everyone could see what you see. But you can't make them. But you really really want to.
So here's the thing friends. I decided to give God one last go of it this past month, and boy did he come through for me. BUT it was not until i humbled myself, and prayed, and seeked(i know, not a word) his face and turned... you know the drill. And i had such an amazing experience with fasting that it should probably be a post all its own. I cannot believe we go without doing it on a regular basis. God desires SO MUCH MORE for us than we can usually see, i believe. But our dumb stubborn wills (most likely coupled with quite an assault from our adversary) will not allow him to come. And be Lord. And save us from ourselves. (for the love)
Anyway, i am thankful. And grateful, And learning. And learning. And learning. And God IS faithful. I do know AT LEAST that. More to come...

Faith Hope and Love upon you.

2008-02-25T11:32:00.000-08:00

Everpresent God,
We wait for you to show yourself;
To lift the cloak of sin and death that weighs heavy on our backs
And hangs a veil of pain and doubt upon our hearts.

All-knowing God,
Reach into our days and mark a clear path for our weary feet to follow.
Apply a healing salve of hope to our brokenness,
And supply us with wisdom and courage to continue on.

O Holy God,
Allow us a sheltered glimpse of your greatness and beauty,
That we may fall face down in awe and wonder;
And then to always, with reverent fear, live our lives in the shadow of the majesty of your worth.

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. -Galileo Galilei

2008-02-23T08:57:00.000-08:00

Be not silent, O God of my praise! For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. In return for my love they accuse me, but i give myself to prayer. So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

But you, O God my Lord, deal on my behalf for your name's sake: because your steadfast love is good, deliver me! For i am poor and needy, and my heart is stricken within me. I am gone like a shadow at evening; i am shaken off like a locust. My knees are weak through fasting; my body has become gaunt with no fat. I am an object of scorn to my accusers: when they see me, they wag their heads.

HELP ME, O LORD MY GOD! SAVE ME ACCORDING TO YOUR STEADFAST LOVE! Let them know that this is your hand; you, O LORD, have done it! Let them curse, but you will bless! They arise and are put to shame, but your servant will be glad! May my accusers be clothed with dishonor, may they be wrapped in their own shame as in a cloak! With my mouth I will give great thanks to the LORD; I will praise him in the midst of the throng. For he stands at the right hand of the needy, to save him from those who condemn his soul to death.

Psalm 109

Psalm 103:8-12

2008-02-14T22:56:00.000-08:00

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

HOPEFAST 2008

2008-02-01T17:57:00.000-08:00

a faint glimmer of hope burns brightly in my chest
despite the voices yelling profanities, insults,
willing for it to die.

but i will NOT have it.

i will tend to you my little spark,
and love you and nourish you
until the flame itself devours me
and i am made of nothing else.

Takes One to Know One

2008-01-29T12:16:00.001-08:00

Blythe: Mom, why are you still wearing your pjammies?
Me: These are sweatpants. You can wear those during the day. Ashby wears them like everyday.
Blythe: That's cause Ashby's crazy.
(pause)
Blythe: And when i say crazy, i mean EVERYDAY.

My Theory

2008-01-15T19:11:00.000-08:00

I just raised my IQ test results by 25 points by making a few minor changes to my test taking environment.

-I reduced the number of children running through the test room from 4 to 1.
-I reduced the number of arguing and/or yelling children to 0.
-The test room was approximately 10-20 degrees cooler.
-I lowered the volume on Drake and Josh by a significant amount of decibels.
-I was a year older than the previous test time.

Therefore, let the record show that it has been scientifically proven that
1. Drake and Josh, at low volume levels, has no negative effect on intelligence, and conversely may even significantly increase it on occasion
AND
2. It IS older AND wiser.

(all the above, while only a test, is absolutely 100% true-well at least everything but MAYBE my findings)

Warning! Do not attempt to view on a full stomach.

2008-01-15T09:26:00.000-08:00

So we saw Sweeney Todd last night, and i believe i just may be sick to my stomach for a week or so...
But i DO love Johnny Depp.

oh toto...

2008-01-13T22:38:00.000-08:00

Today justin and i got the unique opportunity of attending a southern baptist church service. His company had done some work on their new building so we went to represent in the inaugural service.
Um...so i'm not even sure how to explain my experience. To tell you the truth, my head is still spinning. But i'll give it a try.
It was unreal. Seriously i thought to myself, "We canNOT be seriously within a half hour from downtown Portland right now" and "How did all these people find each other?" and "Wow. Are they serious?"and "huh. Soul winning on Wednesday nights. I wonder if i'd be any good at that?" and " I'd bet my lucky charms that there is not one non-republican in the room" and "it's so good to know there's a balm in gilead" and "i haven't sung this song in at least a decade or two" and "they have got this thing down to a science" which was really rather awe inspiring. No joke. A half a second MAYBE lapsed between service elements.
I was wearing an outfit that i have recently worn to a wedding, yet i was still moderately underdressed. And justin totally forgot his suit and tie (oh those construction guys, jesus love em). Also, being that i do not own hot rollers, i'm not sure i could've fit in even if i had been wearing nylons and a floral print dress.
Anyway, it was really sorta fun, the people were sure nice ( i shook a LOTTA hands) , and it was a VERY INTERESTING (and budget minded) cross-cultural experience. I fully recommend it. Seriously.

oh, and we got a free mug so win/win

8 is great!

2008-01-11T17:54:00.000-08:00

Brainwashing the children. Look at their adorable little zombie-like faces.

Cade and his "third best friend" Nina (which by the way is SO cute i can barely keep myself composed)

CEBU!

2008-01-08T17:22:00.001-08:00

I was thinking that someday i think i might like to work and actually get paid american currency for it. Actually, any currency really. Besides scrapbooking (and believe you me- not even about to open up that can o worms. Suffice to say DOES NOT COUNT) i have not been paid for anything in over a decade. I've definitely been doing lots and lots of stuff. Just haven't been paid for any of it. Which is fine. Really. I'm just thinking it might be kinda neat TO get paid for something. That's all.
Thing is, i don't even begin to know what that might be. I'm just sayin.
(oh and that wonderful thing above is my piece from art lit this morning- inspiring no?)